We have it on good authority that the Tom Cruise (actor, not motorized scooter inventor) is trying to get close to us. Either he has discovered our adorable little habit of blaming him for snarky remarks, or he has heard tell of our talent and wants to indoctrinate us so we use our skills for good (aka Xenu) instead of evil (aka Jewish G-d and Jesus, silly blogging and shenanigans, as applicable).
Although I will admit to some hesitance in posting this blog due to the sensitive nature of these accusations, my dear co-blogger made an excellent point: by posting this you will all know who to blame should some unfortunate "accident" befall us.
So, how do we know that TC is coming for us? Let's examine the evidence...
1) He is filming a movie in MA. Not California, not someplace beautiful or tropical. He is in MA - and not even parts like the Vineyard or ACK (that's Nantucket to you - Schmargaret taught me that). He is filming in Worcester (pronounced by locals as “WUH-stah”). My dad was born there. Then he left - and left the accent behind, too. With all due respect to the City of Seven Hills, it's no bastion of trendiness.
2) “Maverick” is leaving a trail connecting to us. Case in point: he has been spotted on numerous occasions in my old 'hood. And no one goes to Davis Square for anything other than to check out my former digs! You aren't so tricksy after all, eh Tom-Tom?
3) He keeps getting closer and closer to us, both location-wise and Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon-wise! For example: one of our let's-call-her acquaintances (to protect her identity,
of course) works part-time at a certain eatery not far from both our office and our commuting center. Mr. Cruise and posse descended upon said restaurant (we won't tell you which restaurant, but it rhymes with meow-stella) to "eat" (though by all accounts, it was really to get closer to us). Reports indicated that while Katie Holmes appeared robotic - and significantly taller than her date (not that height gives a hoot about love) – Tommy-boy was "intense." Apparently Suri was cute. Not the point. Focus, dear reader(s).
Ergo, according to the Rule of Three which we may or may not have invented, TC is definitely coming for us! And now everyone knows it! Keep that in mind, Tom Cruise...
~Sarah
Although I will admit to some hesitance in posting this blog due to the sensitive nature of these accusations, my dear co-blogger made an excellent point: by posting this you will all know who to blame should some unfortunate "accident" befall us.
So, how do we know that TC is coming for us? Let's examine the evidence...
1) He is filming a movie in MA. Not California, not someplace beautiful or tropical. He is in MA - and not even parts like the Vineyard or ACK (that's Nantucket to you - Schmargaret taught me that). He is filming in Worcester (pronounced by locals as “WUH-stah”). My dad was born there. Then he left - and left the accent behind, too. With all due respect to the City of Seven Hills, it's no bastion of trendiness.
2) “Maverick” is leaving a trail connecting to us. Case in point: he has been spotted on numerous occasions in my old 'hood. And no one goes to Davis Square for anything other than to check out my former digs! You aren't so tricksy after all, eh Tom-Tom?
3) He keeps getting closer and closer to us, both location-wise and Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon-wise! For example: one of our let's-call-her acquaintances (to protect her identity,
of course) works part-time at a certain eatery not far from both our office and our commuting center. Mr. Cruise and posse descended upon said restaurant (we won't tell you which restaurant, but it rhymes with meow-stella) to "eat" (though by all accounts, it was really to get closer to us). Reports indicated that while Katie Holmes appeared robotic - and significantly taller than her date (not that height gives a hoot about love) – Tommy-boy was "intense." Apparently Suri was cute. Not the point. Focus, dear reader(s).Ergo, according to the Rule of Three which we may or may not have invented, TC is definitely coming for us! And now everyone knows it! Keep that in mind, Tom Cruise...
~Sarah
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I told you two to stop blaming him! Now you've done it. If you're interested I may know a guy who can make this all go away.
ReplyDeleteUPDATE: TC was spotted Tuesday night running by said restaurant appearing extremely sweaty. He was sprinting intensely and overall looked pretty ridiculous. He was wearing a gray T-shirt and rather form fitting black shorts. More updates to come...
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous poster who may or may not work at meow-stella,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the updates! Keep them coming... Frankly, at this point his stalking is just getting embarrassing.