Mosquito Bites v. Anal Itch?

I don't know what kind of crazy bug decided to attack me last week, but it came at me with a vengeance. I'll save you the trouble of listening to me moan about my golf ball-sized bites and how they itch like junkyard dogs, because poor Andrew has already had to deal with that all weekend.

And like any thoughtful guy who was sick of hearing the same complaint over and over and over again, he politely offered to go to CVS and purchase some relief for my scratching – and his ears. These bites were no ordinary discomfort, so I asked him to bring both Calamine and Hydrocortisone.

Have you ever examined these packages closely? I hadn’t, until today…

Apparently, Calamine “dries oozing and weeping, and temporarily relieves pain and itching.” Yes, in addition to soothing my itch, this liquid will turn off the water works and get me to stop crying! Note for Andrew: next time I get overly emotional, pass the Calamine!

In addition to delightful CVS-brand Calamine Plus, he also came home with this:

At first, I didn't notice anything other than the "Relieves ITCH Fast" part. I was probably too consumed with putting as much ointment on my arms and legs as possible. And then I took a closer look: "Effective Relief of External Anal Itching."

Ummmm... yeah. Factomelette: we use the same stuff for hemorrhoids as for bug bites! Who woulda thunk?

Ahhh, the miracles of science...

~Sarah