Leave those trees alone!

In a similar prohibitory theme, the Public Garden is also very protective of its trees.

I totally understand this rule - some of the trees in the Garden, particularly the elms, are centuries old. And still others were selected within the last 50 years as a nod to the ornamental varieties of the Garden's first seasons. Every tree is meticulously catalogued, monitored and cared for.

But here's where I get lost...

Query: do the evil Garden squirrels know about this rule, and if so, do they even care? No! Perhaps it is time for a little citizens arrest maneuver (again, I find myself wishing I had a badge or cape or at least an official looking pad of tickets to write!). The squirrels abuse the trees and the people in the Garden! How many times have innocent Bostonians been pelted with nuts from the branches of these beauties by renegade rodents? Too many for me to count. How many holes have these selfish and violent squirrels burrowed into tree trunks? And how often have confused tourists been tricked into feeding these bushy-tailed rats even though that's against the rules of the Garden, too? Shameful. And after spending yesterday atoning (Yom Kippur - all my heebs say yeah!), I can safely and smugly say they should be ashamed.

Actually, the trees are violent, too. "Falling" acorns? A likely story. People keep trying to convince me that it isn't me they're after, that this is "the season" for stuff like that. A likely story! Frankly, sometimes I wonder if those warnings about giving trees their personal space are more for our protection than theirs! (For the Potter-nerds out there, picture the Whomping Willow.) Maybe I should carry around a sign to protect myself from them!

Come to think of it, perhaps what's really going on here is some sort of nature gang warfare: trees v. squirrels, or flora v. fauna. Maybe the trees aren't attacking me; maybe they are trying to knock out the evil gang-bangin' rodents, and our human (read: Sputnik-sized) craniums are just innocent civilian casualties caught up in a terrible turf war. Maybe the trees wish only to wreck the rodents, but we keep wandering into their combat zone - their turf, if you will.

I would still assert that the squirrels are actually aiming for innocent bystanders, but I suppose that's a theory for another blog...

And so, dear reader(s), I wish you caution and safe travels should you brave the Public Garden. And remember, don't give the squirrels or the trees any funny looks, avoid affiliated hand signals and symbolic colors, etc. This is the big show...

~Sarah